Are Kind People More Likely to Get Hurt? 8 Principles for Protecting Yourself (Part 1)

Do you agree that the kinder a person is, the easier they get hurt?

In this world, there are generally two types of people:

• The hedgehogs—they keep their spikes out, and whoever gets close ends up getting pricked.
• The cotton candy types—soft, sweet, and lovely, but they melt away at the slightest touch.

It seems wonderful to be soft, warm, and kind. But in reality, kindness is often mistaken for weakness. The gentler you are, the more likely you’ll be taken advantage of.

What I want to share with you today is not about becoming cynical or manipulative. Instead, it’s about facing the truth: being good to others doesn’t always mean they’ll be good to you. That’s why you need to learn how to stay kind but also protect yourself—especially in your personal relationships and in the workplace.

If you don’t build boundaries, your kindness may end up hurting you more than helping you. These are eight principles that can help you grow stronger, protect yourself, and live with more clarity and confidence. Today we’ll start with the first four.

Principle 1: Guard Your Smile

Don’t let a constant smile cheapen your presence. People who smile at everyone, no matter the situation, often come across as naïve or easy to push around.

Your smile should be reserved for people and situations that deserve it. When faced with offense, respond with seriousness. When faced with sincerity, respond with openness. This is how you define your boundaries.

In the workplace, this is especially important. If you’re always agreeable, colleagues may dump extra tasks on you. If you smile too much, some may think you’re easy to manipulate. Remember: protecting yourself at work starts with projecting boundaries through your demeanor.

Principle 2: Speak with Intention

Before you open your mouth, ask yourself, should I say this?

Many people talk too much, revealing their thoughts and weaknesses too easily. In the workplace, oversharing can be dangerous. What you say can and will be used against you.

Instead, learn to observe first and speak less. Silence is often more powerful than words. A well-placed pause in a meeting can show wisdom and self-control.

When it comes to how to protect yourself at work, controlling your speech is critical. Don’t let casual chatter or oversharing become a weapon in someone else’s hands.

Principle 3: Steady Your Gaze

Your eyes reveal your confidence. Shifty or evasive eye contact makes people doubt your stability.

Practice keeping your gaze steady—resting it calmly on the other person’s eyes or eyebrows. You’re not attacking; you’re communicating clarity and confidence.

In job interviews, for example, holding eye contact for just a few seconds conveys composure and self-assurance. In meetings, it shows you’re grounded and confident.

Developing a strong gaze is not just about appearance—it’s about cultivating inner stability. In professional environments, this is a subtle but powerful way to protect yourself in the workplace by earning respect before you even speak.

Principle 4: Keep Scars Private

Your scars—your vulnerabilities—can easily become someone else’s weapons. It’s natural to want to vent when you’re upset, but not everyone who listens has good intentions.

Some colleagues may appear sympathetic while quietly collecting information about your weaknesses. Later, they might use it against you.

For example, if you complain about unfair treatment at work to the wrong person, it could get back to your boss. Suddenly, you’re labeled as “discontent,” and that weakens your position.

That’s why one of the most important strategies for self-protection in the workplace is emotional discretion. Share your feelings only with those you truly trust—or keep them to yourself. This isn’t coldness; it’s wisdom.

These are the first four principles for protecting yourself. In the next part, we’ll explore four more.

Remember: kindness and self-protection are not opposites. They can coexist, as long as you learn to set boundaries, manage your speech, project confidence, and guard your vulnerabilities.